Secret Garden

Kayla | 27 | lgbt | instagram: creek_faun | 📷 everything in my photography tags belong to me | please don't steal my images |

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I used to be really creative when I was a kid and I love to draw and do little crafts for fun. But I got constantly picked on and my works made fun of by family and friends. I wasn't good at doing creative things but I had fun and would be proud and it really just hurt me so much that so many people would mock me and especially my own family members and friends I talked to daily and always supported. Now I'm this ball of anxiety when it comes to crafts and I can hardly get myself to do anything because of all the pressure from the past. 

I think the realization that I did used to do crafts and stuff has helped a lot though. I had somehow convinced myself I just never did artistic things, but remembering how much fun I had as a kid really makes me want to dive into it again.

It just feels kinda pathetic to start trying to learn how to do crafts and draw at almost 30 :c

i've had my tumblr since 2013 and only have a little under 8k posts on there and i've been here less than a year and have almost 2.5k posts and i think it's cause i don't feel like i need to maintain a certain aesthetic on this site and also it's just happier here. i like sharing text posts and reblogging comments on mine or others posts. it's just nice c:

my dad sent me a prepaid visa for christmas and we're gonna use it to go to the wild animal sanctuary one more time before we move away because it's one of my favorite places in the world to visit

i got my film back today and a ton of really nice shots came out! i'm definitely not going to do anymore film until after we move and i find a cheap place to develop photos. walgreens charged almost $80 for 4 cameras and a good 20+ photos were missing because of the quality so it would have been even more expensive uggh

i'm starting to do some research into developing and scanning my own film but i'd just like to find a reliable shop with reasonable prices or even someone on craigslist cause it's not like i take lewd photos 

anyway i'm excited to have more film to share and to eventually get some more done :)

syrup asked:

I reaaaally like the photos you take, and I normally don't vibe with photography blogs but you have such a nice aesthetic. How long have you been taking photos and what got you started? ฅ( ̳• ·̫ • ̳ฅ)♡ 

That's so nice of you to say!! And I'm so glad to hear that you enjoy them. My ultimate goal in sharing photos is making people happy c: 

my origin story is a little long so i'm putting it under a cut

Tbh I've been into cameras and photography from a really young age because my grandpa was a professional photographer and also one of my very favorite people. When I was like primary school age I would use his film cameras when we went to the zoo and I had a poloroid I was allowed to use for special occasions. Then when I was around 7-8 THIS baby came into my life:

(my actual camera)

And I sadly couldn't use it much but it still made me really excited about photography. A few years later I got a cheap digital camera for a birthday or something and used it constantly (unfortunately I've lost most of those photos), in high school I got a slightly better digital camera and used it to take pictures of all of my friends and school adventures. 

I didn't really start getting into more artistic photography until after I graduated and started tumblr and got inspired by a lot of photographers on there. I mostly used my phone camera so you can tell the photos from my first smart phones aren't very good quality. Then last year my husband bought me a really nice dslr camera that you can change the lenses on and everything. Having that camera made me want to get even more into taking photos so I just started bringing it to any kind of event thing, and buying my phones based on how good the camera is. 

Now it's jus my favorite thing to do! I love capturing little moments of beauty ♥

brought in my film today so i'll have pics from minnesota, missouri, and some cute misc photos from around home ♥ after this it'll be a few months before i can get film again but i'm done with disposable cameras and moving onto a proper film camera 

i am going to get my disposables developed today!! i have a feeling some of the halloween and christmas light photos won't turn out but i was careful to use it in bright lighting and use the flash so i have very high hopes

i'm going to get my film developed for part of my christmas present and i'm trying to use up my last disposeable camera so i can go get it taken care of but i also only want to take pictures that are important to me with the film because you have to pay for every photo basically. i also have a roll of film that was in my grandpa's camera that i got when he passed away and he only took like 4 photos and the film is waaaaay expired but i hope they turn out at least a little bit. i'd really love to know what he took pictures of

christmas doesn't feel like it did when i was a kid, and sometimes that's sad. but this year it feels good in a different kind of way. 

oh man i have a few exposures left on a disposable camera and we're going to try to go to the botanic gardens on monday or tuesday so i can fill up the rest of it and i'm so happy. i took some photos of beautiful things and i reaally hope they all turn out well. i tried to be really careful with lighting this time 

i'm gonna try to get my disposable cameras developed sometime this month or next month and if every picture comes out i'll have 108 new photos but i'm hoping at least 50-75 turn out well 

then instead of disposable cameras, when we move i'm going to start buying film and using my film cameras. i think they'll be much higher quality photos too

I have this weird problem about not starting any kind of artistic projects until life feels more permanent but the past decade has been so full of moving around and constant life changes and all I can see in the future is even more of that so I need to learn how to just work around my crazy life and stop waiting for it to calm down around me

I thiiiink we're leaning towards just moving to California in the spring but I'm still not totally sure on the when or the exact how and honeslty I just want to get it done and out of the way so I can stop stressing about the future packing and relocating with 8 different animals. I also have a lot of craft and photography projects I want to do but I don't want to start anything big until after we move because that's ideally going to be a semi-permanent home for us for a good while 

I just hate moving stress specifically and I want to get into the comfort of knowing I'll be staying somewhere longterm. I haven't had that kind of comfort in a looooong time since we wander so much

I am officially back home and back to my normal schedule :) The trip was nice and we ended up going to the Memphis zoo and that was a lot of fun. And it was nice to see a lot of the family and our friends down there, especially since a lot of them are kind of stuck in positions where it's almost literally impossible for any of them to come visit us (especially since no one with a full family can really stay with us and hotels just aren't a realistic option for people deep in poverty cycles)

My cat was very happy to see me and has been following me around and meowing at me until I lift him and let him sniff my nose like he enjoys ♥ 

And now hopefully we're done taking any more trips for a while until we move because stuff is definitely starting to come to a head with all that whether we're ready to deal with it or not. Just kinda waiting to see where life takes us

JJ and I were talking about where we want to move and I was saying how it'd be cool to live by the ocean even if I had to live in the swamps of Louisiana right when he was saying he wanted to own a house boat in "alligator country" lmaoooo looks like we're moving into a swamp

I've always despreately wanted to be 'artistic' but I'm not proud of my drawing abilities and never practice and get so disheartened. But then sometimes you guys tag my photography as 'art' and talk about how pretty it is and my heart just fills with love. Art isn't just drawing, it's expression of any form and I am artistic just in my own way and I think that's better than just trying to fit myself into the mold I wish I could be in

Soo our roommate has just decided to stop paying rent from now to the next 4 months and that's just how he's going to "save money" to move but that also kind of screws us over and now I'm stressed 

We can't even move in with family because most of both of our families are allergic to cats and no one is going to want to deal with our gigantic dog :\ 

So I guess a new chapter in life is starting soon we'll see how it goes 

every time i go to missouri i get bummed out because i don't take as many photos as i want to. mostly stuff like horses or neat houses that i don't want to stop on the side of the road to take pictures of buuut i'm hoping that bringing some dispoable cameras maybe i'll be more encouraged since it's still a new medium for me

going to missouri in like a week to visit family ♥ Both disposable cameras I got for my trip to see @feywild are all full but I'm gonna see if I can pick up some more before this trip, even if I don't develop them for a while. I'm obsessed with the whole film aesthetic lately 

I got a bunch of beads to make bead animals, and some yarn so I can start weaving with my loom again and I feel so creative lately ♥ 

i really want to sleep in a tent on a rainy day

I think we've pretty officially decided to move back home to mo in the future rather than trying our luck in california mosty because if we're being honest we both grew up kinda "trashy" and the idea of trying to maintain a lawn or keep up appearances just sounds exhausting tbh 

like something about having a wild untamed lawn in the spring/summer just calls to me i miss it

made it home safe from visiting @feywild in minnesota and I had such a wondeful trip! we explored a lot and had a fun time and i took SO many photos that i'm really happy with. i'm really happy about eveything :)  

tomorrow before the trip i'm gonna get a couple disposable cameras so hopefully i'll get some good film photos while i'm out there! i learned from some of my mistakes with the first one i got so i'm hoping this time more photos will actually turn out

Only gotta get through the weekend and then it's time for my trip! Definitely nervous about the flying and airport stuff but it'll be worth it and seeing the clouds from the plane is still pretty cool no matter how anxious flying makes me